


A Rink Full of Stars and All I See is You

by Thali_Quinn



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: ALL DAT FLUFF, Angst, Barista!Gon, Canon-Typical Violence, College!AU, Depression, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gon is a ray of fucking sunshine, Gon tops, Gon's not as naive as everyone seems to think, I have to be awake in less than four hours, I'm tired, Ice Skater!Killua, Ice Skating AU, Illumi's not a bad guy, Killua is LITERALLY the cat, Killua is a sad little emo muffin, Killugon - Freeform, M/M, Mafia!Zoldyck, Multi, Other, Scars, Silva's a pedophile, Skating buddies, So uuhhmmm, Suicide Attempts, THIS IS FLUFFY ON TOP BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION THIS IS REALLY DARK, This is finished by now btw, Tried for a more mature writing style then I usually go for...., Weekly updates (hopefully), Whelp, all them polyamory feelz, c'mon guys, for all your shippy fluffy needs, i like cats, it's 4:30 in the morning wtf am I even doing with my life, like seriously black nail polish and slashes up to his fucking elbows, mafia/mobster AU, serious coffee addiction issues, this is ridiculously cute wtf, this is so gay, uhm cats, uuhhhhhmmmmmmmm, whellppp, whooooppsss I did it again huh?, yeah they're aged up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-20 05:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8237335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thali_Quinn/pseuds/Thali_Quinn
Summary: Killua Zoldyck is a member of the affluent Zoldyck family--Mobsters and professional Ice Skaters. He has been conditioned by his family to live only to fulfill their purpose for him: to take over the family business. He doesn't want to, and the realization leaves him depressed and without purpose.At age nineteen, Killua Zoldyck meets Gon Freecs and nothing is ever the same. Because Gon Freecs becomes his purpose.





	1. Beauty x and x Elegance, Clumsiness x and x Dorks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1helluvabutler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1helluvabutler/gifts).
  * Inspired by [it's damn slippery out there](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7055908) by [1helluvabutler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1helluvabutler/pseuds/1helluvabutler). 



> HEYYYYYY  
> thanks for clickin' my lovely lil' fic here. <3 It is based off of 1helluvabutler's fic 'it's damn slippery out there' so you should definitely check that out ^u^ THIS FANDOM IS SEVERELY LACKING IN ICE SKATING AU'S. LIKE WTF GUYS.  
> Without further ado, enjoy <3

Gon had never seen a more beautiful boy in his life.

He had fluffy white hair, thickly lashed electric blue eyes, and a slender frame. His hips could put any woman's curves to shame, and his porcelain-esque skin glowed gorgeously in the pale moonlight. He was shivering slightly in his thick black turtleneck, despite it being almost seventy degrees out, and clutching a cup that had “Hot Chocolate +1 Shot” written on it in large, flowing script, delicate hands wrapped around it like a lifeline, taking tentative sips every so often.

 

The beautiful boy was sitting alone on the roof of the skating rink, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. A gentle breeze tousled his locks, which he swiped out of his face in an elegant but irritated motion. Yes, that was the word for him— _elegant._ It was in the way his long, thin fingers danced across the cup; the way he sat, like a cat, as if he was calm now, but would spring up at the slightest disturbance; the way the light played softly through his pale hair. _Elegant._

The boy's hair blew in his face a few more times before he huffed in annoyance and reached under his sleeve, pulling a hairband from his wrist and tying the troublesome strands into a small but effective ponytail. Now Gon could see a pair of white earbuds that wrapped around his ears and disappeared under his turtleneck. He realized that if he strained his ears, he could pick up the faint sound of Blackbear playing, even from a good thirty feet away. He felt a sudden pang of concern for the beautiful boy's hearing—if he always listened to music that loud, it couldn't be very good.

Then, for the first time, he considered the fact that there were no stairs to the roof; nor was there  a service shoot, or anything of the sort. How had the boy gotten up there? He quickly found out.

He watched as the boy tipped the cup all the way back and, frowning at the now empty container, tossed it carelessly into the bag beside him that Gon had failed to notice, having been preoccupied staring shamelessly at the boy himself.

Then, with unassuming finesse, the boy slung the bag over one shoulder and _jumped off the side of the building_. Gon bit back a scream as the boy landed quite safely on a balcony not far below. He edged along the railing to the rain-ledge directly below and stepped nimbly onto it. Gon could hear the music clearly now:  _“Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face. Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake; 'cause I don't fucking care-at_ _all. You've been out all night, I don't know where you've been; you're slurrin' all  you words, not makin' any sense, but I don't fucking care-at all.”_ The boy was singing quietly along as he swung from the ledge to the one below it, and Gon was entranced.

  
_“_ _'Cause I have hella feelings for you,I act like I don't fucking care—like they ain't even there.'Cause I have hella feelings for you,I act like I don't fucking care—cause I'm so fuckin' scared. I'm only a fool for you, and maybe you're too good for me.”_ Gon doubted anyone could be too good for him. _“I'm only a fool for you, but I don't fucking care—at all.”_ The beautiful boy had reached the ground and was now a mere ten feet away.

Gon realized with a start that to get back inside, he'd have to walk past him. Anxious apprehension flooded through him. Now eight, now six, now a mere five feet away and the beautiful boy had yet to notice him; in fact, he was so lost in his own thoughts, the boy walked right into him. The teenagers tumbled to the floor, and the elegant boy (who, Gon decided, was even more beautiful up close) bore a mortified expression.

He stood quickly, and stammered out apologies so fast he could barely be understood. Gon rose himself and laughed quietly, a large grin plastering itself across his face. He offered a hand.

“It's fine! I'm Gon, by the way. Gon Freecss. Who are you?” the beautiful boy made eye contact for the first time, looking baffled. His headphones had come loose in the fall and were swaying distractingly close to his lips.  
“You don't know?” and as the beautiful boy flushed a deep red, Gon felt like he was missing something very important.

XXXXX

  
“You don't know?” and then Killua blushed, mortified, because how much more conceited-sounding could he get? Though to be fair, pretty much anybody who had even heard of an ice skating rink (or Yorkshire, for that matter) knew who he was.

Standing in front of him, with a sweet smile the size of Texas, was the most attractive boy he'd ever seen. With broad shoulders, deep tan skin absolutely covered in freckles, and powerful green eyes, he was the exact opposite of Killua. He wore only a tank top and a pair of green shorts, exposing his well-defined muscles and legs that seemed to go on for miles _that Killua definitely wasn't practically drooling over._ His spiky black and green-streaked hair was a mess on his head, and Killua valiantly fought the urge to reach up (the boy-Gon was his name?-was quite the bit taller then him,) and tug at the thick locks.

"S-sorry," he stammered, "Wow that made me sound like a prick. My name is Killua, Killua Zoldyck." and then he did something he never did. With an honest smile, he accepted the hand that was offered. Gon smiled and then gasped.

"Holy crap your hands are cold! Here," He said sweetly, and he grabbed both of the pale boy's hands and shoved them deep into his pockets. Killua flushed a violent red; courtesy of embarrassment and holding back the hiss of pain caused by the deep gashes stacked in an orderly manner across either forearm. The flustered boy stuttered protests (which were blatantly ignored) as he was dragged inside. The staff, who knew Killua and his distinct dislike for physical contact (he'd punched a fan going in for a hug once, but that was a story for another time,) stared with wide eyes as their most problematic, violent regular allowed himself to be dragged around by the veritable ray of sunshine known as Gon Freecss.

"You can let go now, my hands aren't that cold anymore..." Killua muttered, red as a firetruck. Gon didn't dignify his babbling with a response and instead dragged the rather smaller boy to the little coffeehouse nestled near the rink entrance, ordering what he'd seen on his cup earlier as well as a caramel macchiato frappachino.

It was then that Kurapika, who had been preoccupied with making sure Leorio didn't fire the spunky barista for making fun of him, noticed Gon. And then he saw who the green-streaked boy was with and practically flew to the scene in a fussy, mom-ish manner.

"Gon, you're here! Did you make it here safely? Where's the rest of your stuff? Have you checked into a hotel yet or are you staying here?" It was not easily noticeable, but with each genuinely concerned statement, Kurapika was trying to wedge himself more and more firmly between the two as though to shield Gon from the shorter boy. Even more subtly was how Gon, with every frantic gesture made by his friend he'd known since elementary school, pulled Killua a little closer to his chest.

One (perhaps the more important one) went unnoticed by the  slender skater. The other did not. But he couldn't blame Kurapika--two minutes with Gon and he didn't want himself around the angel either. No one but the barista realized that Killua's back was pressed against Gon's chest, whose arms were wrapped firmly around him in such a protective way that it seemed obvious they were a couple. She snapped a photo and went on with her day.


	2. Shock X and X Worry, Pleasant X and X Petrifying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where you say "glad that's out of the way" at the end...  
> kinda  
> it's cute and awkward, perfect for our little nerds. There's a bit more background here? Really it's kind of a filler chapter. The next chapter is a whole shitstorm of feels so I figured something this lax might be a good idea.  
> I SHALL BE POSTING EVERY SATURDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this chapter has 69 sentences ;)

 

"Yes, _mother_ , I got here safe. It's all still in the car, and I was kind of hoping to stay here, at least for the night. I would have booked a hotel but they were all full..." Gon said.Kurapika nodded.

"That's fine. I honestly prefer it, things have been a bit..." His eyes unwittingly flicked to Killua, who grimaced. " _dangerous_ lately. Hello Killua. I wasn't aware you two knew each other." Killua cringed and opened his mouth, about to speak, when--

"Oh yeah, we're friends! Right Killua?" Gon gave a large smile and held the boy tighter still, setting his head possessively atop the other's. Kurapika stared at Killua, eyes wide and questioning. Killua froze. Every instinct was telling him to vehemently deny it and escape the boy's embrace, but he was so _warm_ and for the first time in his memory,  Killua felt safe. Which was ridiculous-- this was his first time meeting the boy, but somehow his arms felt like coming home. So instead of rolling his eyes and giving Gon a mind to never touch him again, he turned bright red and relaxed into the taller boy with a sheepish nod.

"A family friend?!" Kurapika asked incredulously. Killua gave him a horrified look.

"NO!" He said; a touch loudly sure, but hey—the question sent him into a bit of a panic. Everyone knew that Zoldycks did not have family friends. "As far as my _family_ " he spit the word like poison, "is concerned, I don't have friends. We're..." A pause. " _different_ friends. Illumi's never met him." The look he gave Kurapika said, rather clearly, 'let's hope he never does.'

Gon watched their interaction and, for the second time, felt as though he was missing something. His grip on Killua tightened imperceptibly, and he squeezed the other boy's hands. He received red-tipped ears in return; he considered it a great reward. He released one of Killua's hands to grab the hot chocolate on the counter and passed it to the short Zoldyck before grabbing his own drink. The barista grinned at him and he smiled back. She seemed nice.

“I see,” Kurapika said carefully. He locked eyes with Killua. “Then I suppose you'll be heading back to practice soon?” _Please leave._ A nod.

“Yeah. Nice meeting you Gon. Hey Kurapika, tell the old man hi for me?” _No Problem._  


Killua smiled softly at Gon before slipping out of his grasp quick as lightening. Gon stared wide-eyed at nothing—the boy had completely disappeared. Kurapika gave Gon a gentle smile.

“So how do you two actually know each other?” he asked not unkindly. Gon blushed a bit, caught.

“He bumped into me ten minutes ago outside.” The Kurta's jaw dropped. He scanned the teenager's face for a hint that he was kidding; that it was a lie. He found none.

“Leorio,” he called faintly. “Leorio, you have to hear this.” The tall man, fully clad in a navy suit, stopped sulking and, hearing the slight wobble in his lover's voice, appeared quickly at his side.

“What is it?” he asked, slightly alarmed. Kurapika slumped into him, and, getting the idea, Leorio propped him up to look as though he was merely lightly leaning on the man. Gon looked a bit worried but shrugged it off.

“Apparently, Gon and Killua just met.” This was enough to catch Leorio's attention. Fear licked it's way up into his heart, but even after re-examining Gon, there wasn't a scratch on him.

“And,” Kurapika continued, “They're now friends.” Now Leorio was feeling faint. The barista (something with a J-- Janine? Janet? Ah yes—Janice) called to her boss with a wide grin:

“Hey old man! Can I make this our LGBT support group webpage cover?” She asked, and showed him the picture she'd taken only moments before. Leorio's eyes bugged out of his head and he frantically pointed to the small screen with a shaking finger, gasping like a drowning rat.

Kurapika nervously looked at the photo and promptly fainted. Gon waved his arms in an irritated, endearing motion. He stuck his lips into a pout.

“I wanna seeeeeee!!!!”

“Sure sugar. Here,” she said, tilting her phone into his line of sight. She monitored his expression and hoped he wasn't angry she took a picture. He had been smiling before he looked at the picture and his face went completely expressionless—like wax. Her heart stopped. Was he mad? Worse, did he want her to delete it?

He met her eyes with the most serious expression she had ever seen outside of college students during midterms and uttered four words:

“Send this to me.”

Her eyes widened and a grin threatened to split her face. Unable to help herself, she burst into a fit of giggles, dropping her phone unceremoniously onto the counter in favor of clutching her sides as she shook. She was snorting uncontrollably and her eyes felt particularly moist. It wasn't really _that_ funny, but somehow he struck her as one rarely so serious and that made it a side-splitting level of hilarity. Gon flushed to his roots but stood firm.

After a brief period, she managed to collect herself enough to see him writing (almost illegibly) on a small scrap of paper. She saw it was an email and smiled softly.

“Not a lotta pictures of you and your boyfriend huh hun?” she asked gently. She contemplated for a moment, oblivious to Gon's spluttering. “I suppose you would have to press the issue quite a bit with that type...” She glanced over at the older male and her eyes widened in alarm.

“Why darlin're you alright?! Fuck, you're turnin' purple! Here, have some water buttercup, double time!” she said quickly, shoving a hastily poured cup of water in his face. The choking boy took it gratefully and gulped it down in one go. He coughed and pounded his chest for a moment before getting his bearings and slamming his cup on the counter.

“We're not a couple,” he gasped. She gave a derisive snort.

“Sure, and I'm straight.” she looked at Gon again only to realize he wasn't kidding. Her face contorted in what can only be called southern disbelief—an eyebrow arched perfectly over comically widened eyes and a hand flew up to cover an open mouth.“Well shit—guess I better call Kieth from eighth grade back,” she said awkwardly. Gon smiled. She glanced behind him to see a dazed Leorio holding the still unconscious Kurapika to his chest bridal style and reached almost blindly for her phone. She snapped four photos in a manner of moments, only stopping when she was sure she had at least three pictures where neither of them looked like they were on drugs.

Gon stared at her with wide eyes and it was her turn to blush. Scuffing her foot on the floor she muttered something about photography being her passion before scanning through and deleting all the blurry and/or unattractive shots.

“So...” she started, “Ya'll really aren't together?” he blushed anew and shook his head. “Well I'll be—why?! You two are obviously perfect for each other!” Gon laughed.

“Because I met him less then a half hour ago,” he said with a grin. Janice about dropped the espresso she was putting in her own hot chocolate.

 


	3. When You Want to Appreciate A Kiss But You're Bleedin' Out Like An Imagine Dragons Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically a "meet the crew" chapter with a little more feels, so... grab a tissue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I FORGOT TO UPDATE ON SATURDAY I WAS VISITING FAM I HAVEN'T SEEN IN 3 YEARS AND THERE WERE BIRTHDAYS. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT I'M UPDATING NOW!!!!

It took all of twenty minutes for Gon to be hired. Not because he was notably better than other applicants, not even because he was so sweet and charming—no. Gon had been hired because Kurapika and Leorio had known him since before memory and trusted him explicitly. It made sense for him to work under their guidance after moving such a ways, especially since he was still working on his associates degree in wildlife ecology. And besides—if they didn't hire him, they'd still be paying for him in many ways.

Gon and Janice were fast friends. They often worked shifts together due to their similar schedule, and were both genuinely nice people. Janice had enough pictures to cover the great wall of China, and when she timidly asked if he would like to see them, he enthusiastically agreed. Many a time they were both scolded thoroughly for looking through them at work.

Gon also befriended Yara, Janice's girlfriend, rather quickly. Yara was more quiet and reserved, but downright shameless when it came to her girl. The first time Gon had met her she had grabbed Janice by the back of the neck and pulled her into a deep kiss. They were at work, and Gon was pretty sure that even as a professional skater it was difficult to bend that way across the counter. Gon's first reaction had been to ask how she got so flexible and ever since he was her favorite staff member.

And then there was Killua.

He came in every day, usually an hour after Gon's shift started. He'd always come up to the counter, mouth open and ready to order, only to see his drink already sitting in front of him. Then Gon would take both of his one hour breaks at the same time and follow the slender skater to the rink, where he would be completely and utterly mesmerized.

The fluidity with which the shorter boy practically _flew_ across the rink made Gon's breath hitch and stick high in his throat, leaving him speechless. On the very rare occasion Killua actually fell, he rushed to the edge of the rink in a panic. The poor boy flushed to the tips of his ears every time, babbling about how it wasn't a big deal; he didn't even feel it.

If Gon noticed that there was never anyone else in the rink while Killua skated, he never mentioned it. Rather, when an hour passed and Killua stopped to take a water break, he appreciated their idle chatter. 'What did you have for dinner last night?' 'What's your favorite food?' 'If you could screw any celebrity, who would it be?' That last one had led to an even longer conversation (Gon had, of course, answered with a resounding 'Ryan Reynolds,' while Killua hadn't hesitated to inform him that Jensen Ackles was way hotter, resulting in a long, heated argument,) and though neither had made a big deal out of it, the knowledge of each other's sexuality was much appreciated.

What Gon wasn't appreciating about spending more time with Killua were the other boy's walls. Really though—Gon had a feeling that climbing the empire state building with his bare hands would be easier. Everything would be going along fine until the subject of himself, his family, or his career came up. Then he would tug nervously on the end of his sleeves, as if to make sure they were still there, and become cold; distant. He would avoid Gon's eyes and change the subject completely—' _Where did you get that t-shirt_?' ' _Do you like jazz?' 'I still can't believe you think Ryan Reynolds is hotter than Jensen Ackles_.' And the like. At first Gon had respected the boy's privacy, but as time wore on, he grew to care more and more for him, and his dislike for the secrecy grew.

Gon knew why Killua didn't like talking about his family. Of course he did—he'd been living in York New for three months already. It would have been a far more impressive feat if he'd never heard of the most affluent mafia family in, at the very least, York New—if not the world. They weren't exactly a low-key family either—there was a tour bus that stopped at their front gate. And that wasn't even paying attention to the fact that the Zoldycks had more connections than god; that the Zoldycks had been winning the gold in the Olympics for all fields of skating for four generations; that almost every (except the one Killua attended and one other) ice skating rink in York New had the name Zoldyck somewhere on it in large, flashy letters; or that you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting someone who either worked for them or owed them money.

He suspected that Killua thought he was only hanging out with him because he didn't know that he was a Zoldyck, and though he didn't want to spook the boy it was getting frustrating. He had never been in a situation where reassuring someone would hurt them more than help them and he was stumped. He really cared for Killua, but how could he show it when the boy never let him get close?

It was obvious (to him at least,) that Killua hated himself and needed help. It was in the way he avoided mirrors and eye contact—in the way he would do whatever it took to get people as far away from him as possible—in the way he had a constant smirk plastered to his face unless you looked when he thought no one could see, and it fell away to be replaced by the most heart-wrenching expression Gon had ever seen. The boy believed himself to be a poison, and Gon didn't know what to do. The more he got to know him, the more he cared, and the more he was at a loss. How could he show Killua what he saw when he looked at him?

He gets a chance sooner then he would have thought. It doesn't come in the form of something romantic, like a request for a date and a subtle admittance over coffee. No, it comes in the form of a mistake realized almost too late.

Six months had passed since Gon had left his old life dusted and shelved, and he was falling into a sweet, simple routine. Wake up at five, think about Killua, take a shower, think about Killua, wash his face, think about Killua, brush his teeth, think about Killua, eat some breakfast (which he forgets more oft than nay, instead choosing to daydream about Killua), get dressed and run to his first class he is undoubtedly about to be late for, think about Killua, narrowly make it and get scolded by his professor, be so preoccupied thinking about Killua through the whole lesson he learns nothing, go get breakfast, think about Killua, go to the bathroom and try _not_ to think about Killua while using a urinal (awkward), walk to his next class with a certain ice skater on his mind, and rinse and repeat until his third class, where he would so preoccupied with fending off the advances of his lab partner Palm he doesn't have _time_ to think about Killua, get out of class and call Janice on skype, talk about Killua (and Yara,), get on the bus and hang up, think about Killua, come into work, talk more with Janice (or Bisky, who he sometimes worked with instead,) and then _see_ Killua. That was always his favorite part. Everyday followed the same pattern until one day, Killua didn't come in.

At first, Gon wasn't concerned. Even Killua was bound to be late sometimes. But as the hot chocolate on the counter grew colder, so did Gon's heart. The skater never missed practice—on the rare occasion he had managed to get something about his family out of the boy he had revealed that, due to certain enforcements his family deemed necessary for him to become a pro, he would have both a physical and mental breakdown if he didn't skate—but it had been half an hour and no chocolate-obsessed caffeine addict was in sight. Janice tried to reassure Gon, but considering how concerned she was herself (her voice wobbled as she spoke and she was literally shaking. She had grown to care about him quite despite their limited interactions, and Yara was one of few people he would talk to—she was in the family and they were skating partners on numerous occasions. Hearing her girlfriend speak so fondly of him so often instilled an almost maternal affection for him.) her attempts fell on deaf ears.

Features set, Gon made up his mind. He gave Janice one of those serious looks you would only see on him when it came to Killua and she cut him off before he even opened his mouth.

“Just go,” she said, voice a hoarse whisper. “I'll cover you.” That was all it took for the boy to hop the counter and went running. He didn't know how, but he knew exactly where the boy would be. Taking the steps in front of the building one at a time, he quickly circled down to the first ledge. With inhuman agility he sprung from ledge to ledge to the roof. His eyes scanned the rooftop quickly, but he smelt it before he saw it—blood. Heart pounding with fear, adrenaline coursed through his veins as he tore across the roof to the spot he had seen the beautiful boy sitting alone and watching the world go by. He was met with a horrific sight.

The first thing he noticed was the soft smile adorning his best friend's face. It was broken and honest and it cut him deep to his core. The next thing was that his sleeves were absent—he wore no shirt at all, and his turtleneck lay all but forgotten beside him. Under any other circumstances, Gon would have felt a blush creep its way across his cheeks—Killua was half naked after all—but this was the exception and as his eyes made their way across his bloody figure, the only things he felt were horror and fear.

“Killua,” he gasped, his heart break into a million pieces. “What did you _do_?” he went unheard as Killua, ever composed Killua, felt something wet slide down his cheek for the first time in years. The floodgates opened, and years worth of misery and pain wracked through his body with painful sobs. He stared down at his forearms and his smile grew wider and more disturbing. A demented laugh began to bubble from his lips as his tears slid down his cheeks to mingle with his blood.

It streamed continuously down his arm, soaking his pants so completely it was impossible to tell what color then had once been—they would never be anything but burgundy again. There were so many gashes, not just on his arms but his chest, down his stomach, and probably on his _thighs_ , and they were all open and bleeding profusely. Some were old, some fresh, and many if not all were over scars already present. His back was a myriad of opened wounds that were not self-inflicted, filling Gon with a pitch black hatred he hadn't known himself to be capable of. Another tortured laugh escaped the broken boy's lips.

Gon stared in horror as Killua brought the knife in his left hand down again, this time closer to the veins of his wrist, ready to end it all. The smile had disappeared. Bleeding out was taking too long—though he felt he needed the pain, there was no use in dragging it out any longer, and he was starting to become very, _very_ cold. Time stopped.

The cold was replaced by the warmth of another person, and as he began to go numb, the knife was removed from his fingertips. He began to feel hazy, his eyelids drooping. Shouting reached him—Gon? When had Gon gotten there? A vague impression of the boy standing there when he started crying registered and he mentally cringed. Well that was embarrassing. His eyes drifted shut. The pain was gone, he was finally warm, and he was tired. So, so tired. No one would have to worry anymore—he was gone. Kurapika could stop being so afraid of his family, Leorio could stop being so afraid of _him,_ Alluka would be sad but would get over it and be okay, Canary and Yara would take care of her, and Gon—Gon would be safe from him. Gon would be happier. He was ready to go into the dark until six little words brought him back.

“Please,” a broken whisper so close he could feel breath on his lips, “Don't go. I love you.” Time unfroze and reality snapped back into place like an elastic stretched almost to the breaking point. A pair of lips met his and sparks went off as a feeling like electricity shot through his veins bringing back all of the pain and fight and _life_ that had faded into numbness. He was shattering _shattering_ _**shattering**_ and as he fell apart, those six words shot out like a hand into the dark and grabbed all his broken pieces, putting them back together stronger than ever before.

He didn't say anything—what could he? Instead, he reached up with one bloody arm and gently stroked the face of the boy cradling him like something precious and breakable. A silent promise to never, _ever_ leave the boy, the sweet, sensitive angel treating him like porcelain, _ever_ again. No—he would not die, not unless that was what his angel wanted. He thought he had no purpose for living. He just hadn't found it yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #  _**COMMENT**_
> 
> # 


	4. Fussing x and x Fretting, Anxiety x and x Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crew waiting for Killua to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S STILL SATURDAY SSHUDDAAPpp  
> also happy Halloween

The next few hours were difficult to say the least. Killua fainted sometime while Gon was carrying him in his arms off the roof, and Janice had also passed out at the over-abundance of blood; once a southern belle always a southern belle. While Yara fanned her on a sette no one knew existed, Canary (who, apparently, was Yara's older sister despite their distinct difference in ethnicity) showed up on the scene and immediately started patching Killua up. No ambulance was called, as a Zoldyck family member did not simply go to a hospital. No, instead Canary and Leorio, who apparently both just so happened to have extensive medical training, gave the boy enough painkillers to sedate a whale for days (although it would apparently only work on the boy for a few hours at best) and stitched him up. They didn't bother pumping more blood through him—Canary assured him she knew his capabilities and that he would be perfectly fine without it.

The most difficult part about the ordeal was Illumi. Everyone was trying to keep the man and Gon far away from each other (despite the fact that they'd been in touch because of Hisoka for a very, _very_ long time,) and the poor man was trying quite hard not to pull his pistol out of his pants and vent his frustration. To be completely honest, Gon almost wished he would. Kurapika was having a conniption fit and Alluka, who had arrived not long after Janice told Gon to go, was quite literally flipping the fuck out.

Gon himself? He was pacing anxiously and texting Illumi (who was trying not to break down in another room) updates on Killua. Gon knew exactly who he was dealing with—a concerned older brother. Profession means nothing when your little brother is bleeding out in another room.

Now the rest of Killua's family on the other hand... If Gon were to see them within a mile of the boy he was going to snap. There was no way Killua could have done all of that to himself, especially the fresh looking lashes on his back. It was obvious (to him, at least) that they weren't from Illumi, but who else aside from another Zoldyck could touch a Zoldyck? No one.

And who did that leave? Milluki, Silva, and Kikyo. There were others in the family, like Zeno, but they lived in some fancy estate far away, everyone knew that. Those horrible, sick, twisted _things_ had hurt the most beautiful boy he knew, and he was out for blood. He didn't know how he was going to do it, but he was going to bring the Zoldycks _down._ And nothing was going to stop him.

Anxious hours passed as everyone waited for the pale boy to wake up. Janice, having put herself together some time ago, flittered about fixing everyone drinks and closing down the rink—Kurapika and Leorio were in too much of a shock to do so themselves. At first, everyone tried to get her to sit down and relax (she _had_ fainted after all,) but she was hearing none of it. Eventually even Yara had to concede that cleaning and fussing did calm Janice down quite considerably, and they could all use a bit of comfort. Killua might not have been aware, but there were quite a few people that cared about him dearly; therefor there were quite a few people terrified.

What was worse was that Canary and Leorio had no idea when Killua might wake up—it could be in an hour, it could be in a week. There was no way to tell. Yara tried to stay and help Janice with her fussing, but her girlfriend wouldn't let her, and there was no way she could stay still for that long, so she decided to go skate and invited Illumi to go with her. She figured it would calm him. She tried to invite Gon too, but he told her that he'd never skated before and that Killua was going to teach him. She smiled at him and gave him a hug before giving Janice a quick kiss and leaving.

Gon held up a smile for Yara, but allowed it to fall when she disappeared from his view. He just couldn't understand why such a beautiful boy would think so little of his life. So many people not only cared about him, but cared about him deeply. Poor Kurapika already had a fear of losing his family, and even if the blonde would never admit it Gon knew that Killua was family to him. He knew that his friend would have nightmares about it for a long time yet. Leorio might be a bit scared of Killua, but not because he thought that Killua would ever hurt any of them—it was more of a fear that the boy would lose himself. It had turned out to be a rational fear. Gon was sure he wasn't taking it well. Canary, Yara, and Janice were all terrified too.

Illumi and Hisoka were on a whole other level of concern. Illumi's discomfort made the most immediate sense—he was Killua's older brother after all—but Hisoka was almost as concerned for almost equally good reason. He was the boy's older brother's fiance (wait what) as of a few hours prior and had been dating the older Zoldyck since Killua was four. He cared about the boy deeply, even if he showed it in creepy ways. The couple skated together in the rink and tried to keep each other standing. They needed each other, but most of all, they needed Killua. They all did.

' _Killua, please. Wake up.'_ Gon thought, taking the unconscious boy's hand in his. He rubbed circles into the delicate skin, enthralled by the contrast in color. While he was tan and freckled, Killua was porcelain and smooth—not a blemish on him. He took his other hand and gently brushed the beautiful skater's hair out of his eyes. The boy nuzzled into his hand as he slept and Gon smiled softly, planting a delicate kiss to Killua's head.

“You really should wake up soon,” he murmured into white locks. “Everyone's besides themselves.” Then the hand in his squeezed and he froze. Pale lashes fluttered open to see a tan chin.

“Gon?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #  _**COMMENT** _


	5. Awakening x And x Reflecting, Answers x And x Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua wakes up   
> fluff ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS I'M SO SO SO SO SO SORRY THAT I MISSED LAST WEEK'S UPDATE THAT WAS SUPER LAME OF ME  
> BUT I UPDATEDEDED SO   
> YEAH  
> HERE IT IS  
> LOVE YOU GUYS PLEASE COMMENT IT MAKES ME HAPPY AND REMINDS ME TO WORK ON THE NEXT CHAPTER

Gon shot back so quickly he hit his head on the wall behind him. Killua stared at him in alarm as the boy rubbed the forming lump on his noggin. Gon felt his face turn red, starting from his cheeks and traveling all the way to the tips of his ears.

“Good morning sunshine,” he said a bit breathlessly. He was incredibly relieved—he had been beginning to think the boy wouldn't wake up at all. He was rewarded further as he was greeted with the welcome sight of a blush making itself prominent across the beautiful boy's features. God, he'd missed that blush. It had been over a day since he'd gotten Killua to blush and he was beginning to go through withdrawals. He felt a goofy smile spread across his face, and Gon didn't try to fight it—he wanted Killua to see how happy he made him. The beautiful boy deserved as much.

To say Killua did not know how to handle Gon Freecs would be the understatement of the century. What was he supposed to do with the dork? The sun incarnate who told broken, worthless Killua that he loved him? And now there was this big, goofy grin plastered across the tall boy's face. Killua was feeling embarrassed for him. Or maybe he was just self conscious—the smile was for him after all.

And so the lithe skater was at a loss. The last time he'd felt this embarrassed was when he was ten and he just couldn't get a quadruple axle right. He'd gotten rid of that by practicing day and night until he could do one in his sleep. So how was he going to stop being embarrassed about this? How was he going to get used to this?

“Morning I guess,” Killua muttered, giving the hand that was holding his a gentle squeeze. Gon's grin threatened to split his cheeks and Killua's heart melted. He wondered Idly why he wasn't hurting and then realized that he probably shouldn't be alive at all. He remembered holding the knife to his wrist and cutting—he looked down at his wrist. There was no cut. That's right, Gon had stopped him. Gon had held him close and warm; had told him that he loved him. His memories, which had been hazy from blood loss and weariness, flooded back with fresh clarity. Wait—was he remembering it wrong or had Gon _kissed_ him?! Only one, embarrassing way to find out.

Reaching up with his free hand (much like he had hours ago) he gently cupped Gon's cheek. The tan boy's grin slipped off his face and was replaced with a darker, more intense expression that sent a delicious shiver down Killua's spine. He searched his friend's face for any tell or sign that he didn't want this, but could find none. It made no sense to him, but who was he to complain? Besides, once Gon wanted something, his stubborn ass would get it. It was one of the many things Killua loved about him.

Gon tentatively grabbed his waist, pulling him ever so gently closer. Killua might not have known what he'd done to deserve such treatment, but Gon was always that way with him—gentle. To say he wasn't used to it would be the same as saying you need air to breathe—obvious and usually only needed to be told only to children and the most unobservant of idiots. That wasn't to say, however, the lithe skater found it unpleasant. So the delicate boy let his eyelashes flutter closed as he was pulled close, and when a warm pair of lips met his, he melted into it. Killua may have thought Gon was making a big mistake, but hell if he wouldn't run with it for as long as he was able.

Gon's lips against his felt kind of like a warm blanket on a cold night; pleasant and heavy. Killua found himself enjoying the feeling immensely. Nothing could ruin this moment. _Nothing_. And for probably the first time in Killua's life, nothing _tried_. No one burst through a door, screaming; no one was bleeding out on a roof; it was perfect and precious and beautiful and he couldn't think of anything more terrifying than the happiness that surrounded him. If there was anything his family had drilled into him, it was that happiness was the _worst_ thing you could have. Happiness was fragile. Happiness was an illusion, the most delusional part of your brain. Happiness could be broken, and that made it a weakness. So why was he feeling like it was a strength?

Gon ran his tongue over the other boy's lip before pulling away slowly, opening his eyes to stare lovingly into Killua's. The pale boy was his everything, and he had no idea how to show it. He had never felt so afraid as when he had gotten to the roof, horror heavy in his gut, to find him bleeding out, beautiful porcelain skin marred with ribbons of ruby red. He had felt so helpless; so overwhelmed; all his brain could come up with was “he doesn't know you love him.” Whenever he blinked, behind his eyelids all he saw was what would happen if he had been too late; if the boy had made that last, tiny by comparison, laceration in his skin. A little nick of the wrist, arriving just a few seconds later, and the beautiful boy that had just let him _kiss_ him would be _dead_.

He pulled Killua closer one more, to feel and taste that the boy was truly there once more; to taste that he was awake, and alive; that he was there with him, breathing, instead of up on the roof and not. He felt Killua's delicate fingers lace through his hair and smiled against the skater's lips. Gon teasingly bit his bottom lip and was delighted when he let out a low groan. Not only was he here and safe, he was in his arms, kissing him, tugging at his hair like it had something he needed it wasn't giving him. He was Killua. _His_ Killua. And nothing was going to take him away from him _ever_ again.

For the second time, Gon pulled back a bit and met his skater's eyes. There was so much that he wanted to say, to ask, to _do_ , but for now, there was only one question he really needed answered. He reluctantly withdrew until there was a full foot of space between them. Sucking in a deep breath, he asked one, simple question.

“Killua Zoldyck, will you be my boyfriend?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #  _**COMMENT** _
> 
> (please?)


	6. Insurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua's internal conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO _SO_ SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I KNOW IT'S BEEN LIKE THREE WEEKS PLUS IT TOOK ME TWO TO UPDATE BEFORE THIS. I SUCK.  
>  Thanks again to the amazing Jenmarie for being amazing and editing this for me--I don't know _when_ I would have found the time to edit this and actually post this without her, so you can thank her for the update.  
>  NOW ONTO THE SHOW

Killua's eyes widened; he hadn't a clue as to why the question caught him so much by surprise. He suspected that it may have something to do with the fact that for him people not only wanting, but _asking_ to be around him more often—in a platonic _or_ romantic sense—was all but unheard of. The closest thing he'd ever had to a friend before had been Yara, and he'd always felt as though she was there because she felt obligated; but now there was Gon. Gon, who had not only quickly become his best friend, but was now asking his _permission_ to be more.

Killua was not used to that.

In fact, almost no one had ever asked permission to be close to him. No, everyone had always just _taken_ , grabbing and touching and _stealing_ what ~~he~~ \-- _they_ wanted. Never a second thought (or first, for that matter) as to what _Killua_ did or didn't want. He was used to being restrained and beaten, he was used to being choked and hurt and violated in every way: he was used to having no control. He was used to life without Gon, and now that the boy was here, Killua knew he could never go back. And here was Gon, asking him not to; asking him to commit.

Asking him to be _his boyfriend_.

Gon _wanted_ him, but would never _take_ him--not unless Killua wanted him to. Gon was his sun: before him, there was no life worth living. Gon was his oxygen: before him, there was no air to breathe. Gon was his heart: before him, there was no love. It had been ripped out of him at a young age, and now it had been gently and carefully put back with reverence and care. Gon was his _everything_. If Killua's commitment was all that Gon was asking of him, was there really any way he could say no?

Gon's eyes remained glued to his: loving, kind and unwavering. Killua took a moment to scrutinize his determination; here was a boy who knew what he wanted from his life—who right now knew _who_ he wanted. That had been Killua once: the boy who Knew. Then he'd realized that he had no idea what he wanted; he just knew what his family wanted _from_ him. _Not_ the same thing—not by a long shot. The lithe skater had a feeling that Gon had come up with his own crazy desires all by himself.

Killua could feel his face heating up more with every minute gone by. Gon was clearly quite sure, and the fact that after all that happened this was the first question he’d asked was so _Gon_ it was almost physically painful. The tall, robust boy clearly wanted answers, and yet instead of trying to pressure Killua into telling him everything, he _asked him out_.

Gon's voice cut through his thoughts, pulling him back into reality. “You don't have to answer now, of course,” the boy said sweetly, the tips of his ears reddening. “I know that you're probably pretty overwhelmed right now. I just wanted you to know that I really like you and if at all possible would like to be able to call you my boyfriend.”

Killua's face felt so hot he was astonished he hadn't passed out yet. How could he say such embarrassing things outright?

“It's not that,” the pale boy murmured.

Gon furrowed his brow, confused, but gestured for him to continue. Killua cleared his throat and desperately battled for the right words to say—his brain had all but shut down and the lump in his throat wasn't making things any easier.

“I-I... I do too. L-like you, that is,” Killua paused, embarrassed. Gon's face split into a wide grin as he waited patiently for the other boy to finish.

“And I... I... I'm a-all yours, but...” Killua swallowed thickly. “Only if you're sure you want me: that you won't get sick of me in a week and leave me. I—I don't think I could _handle_ it if you... if you...” he trailed off, staring helplessly at the kind boy in front of him, begging him with a look to understand. He watched as the grin Gon had been sporting dropped and panic began to set in. Any and all security he'd had moments before dropped away at the pained expression on the other boy's face.

“Oh Killua,” Gon said softly.

Killua's heart clenched painfully and he waited for the ecologist to take back his loving words; to realize he'd made a mistake. He warily eyed the other boy's grim expression, and wished more than anything that he could take it back—so what if he got hurt, as long as he'd gotten to be Gon’s at all? Gon opened his mouth once more and Killua winced as though struck, but the rejection he'd been dreading never came.

“I don't ever think I've been more sure of anything,” Gon intoned with a warm smile, oblivious to the other's shock. “You are not only one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, you're also my best friend, and if there's any one person that I could, with absolute certainty, say I'll never get sick of, it’s you. So if a week's guarantee is all you want, I want you to know that if you'd asked me for a _lifetime_ my answer would remain the same. So, I'm going to ask one more time: Killua Zoldyck, will you be my boyfriend?”

Killua took a deep breath, swallowing thickly. He, slowly, ran his fingers through Gon's hair, searching for strength in the ebony strands. He was certain Gon hadn't a clue how much he affected him--how much it meant to Killua that the earnest boy wanted someone so  _damaged._

He was scared. He was so, _so_ scared.

This boy had his heart, and if he chose to break it there would be nothing to be done about it.

Yes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #  _**Comment please--otherwise I'll forget this fic exists. I wish I were kidding.** _

**Author's Note:**

> #  **_COMMENT_ **


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